Lately.....

Sometimes I am so busy from right in the morning until late at night! All day long, I run around helping each of my kids, trying to fit in all the different kinds of things I think are important, quality time with my kids, energy and focus on qualities in myself such as patience, persistence, leadership, motherhood, being a good wife, trying to balance it all with the the urgent and also important never ending housework, laundry, shopping, etc. I am never able to accomplish it all. As I scratch one thing off my list I'm always adding two more. I am good at telling my older children to "not sweat the small stuff", simplify, don't be too hard on yourself etc and yet I am the worse at doing exactly these same things to myself! It has been seriously almost 4 years since I have completely slept through the night and I'm tired! I have frequented fast foods, take outs and grocery shortcut foods so often these past years that I wonder if Jesse even remembers what a good cook I can be! Does Bryce? And sometimes I just long for peace. As I sit here typing, I hear the tears of one of the twins upstairs. They were put down this afternoon for a late nap. Did they ever go to sleep? Do they ever go to sleep? Right now, I wonder. When I'm not so weary, I chuckle when I hear their squeals of delight, eaves drop on their tender conversations, relish their behavior, etc but now, I am discouraged at their noise, their unwillingness to follow through with the few things I ask them to do. I mean what would it be like if I tucked them in at night or nap time and read the usual number of stories, sang a couple of songs, hugged and kissed them and quietly tiptoed out of the room? Instead, I follow those patterns until the part where I leave. It's then that someone has to go "potty" for the umpteenth time or needs a drink of water, or suddenly rediscovers the "owey" he got on his knee a few days ago and needs another band aid to make it feel better again. (sigh) I am in need of some time for myself to spend tweaking my daily schedule with no interruptions so that I can find a better flow to my day. I am writing that last thought down to hopefully hold myself accountable for following through with that idea.